Genesis 1:1

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

“In the beginning” is one of the top most famous first sentences in all of literature in all of time, right up there with, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” “Call me Ishmael,” and “Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.” It is important because it points out that this was the beginning of everything in nature, which means it was the beginning of time but not the beginning of God. God existed before time. It is hard for mere mortals to understand how anything can be “before” anything else before time started, but that’s the way it is and it’s right here in black and white, written by Moses himself, so you’ll just have to deal with it.

God created “the” heaven and “the” earth. This means that there is just one heaven and one earth. If you think there are levels in heaven — like a “seventh heaven” and such things — you are out of luck. If you think that there are other earths with living green men going “beep beep” in their space suits, you are out of luck on that one, too. Stop spending your silly money on looking for aliens when there are good, Christian things you could be spending it on right here on the one-and-only earth!

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4 comments untill now

  1. Brian Mize @ 2010-08-14 20:02

    I believe that the Hebrew word for heaven (Shaw-maw) is used in the second form of an unused singular word according to Strong’s Hebrew dictionary. This is why in most translations (i.e. NKJV and ASV ect.) the Bible says, “God created the heavens and the earth” because the word “heavens” is NOT referring to “a seventh heaven and such things” but clearly the 3 distinct types of heavens mentioned in the Bible. The first heaven is where the birds fly (Gen 1:8 and 1:20), the second heaven is where the sun, moon, and stars are (Gen 1:17), and the third heaven is where God lives and where we want to eventually go (2Cor 12:2). That’s why in 2Corinthians it calls it the third heaven. It is not my intention to have an Ad Homonym attack, I felt led to address this issue after stumbling across your website. I believe that there are many areas of Biblical doctrine in which you are correct on but as I read them it’s like eating my favorite cookies learning that there is dog poop baked in. Our job as Christians is to encourage one another and point others to Christ. I want to encourage you to pray about the message your are sending to those who read your writings.

    Agape.

  2. Hmm… has he noticed the subtle jokes in between the lines of the “interpretation” ? It’s hard to tell if this “Brian” is a master of irony or a complete moron.
    One more instance that proves the Poe’s Law is still standing firmly.

  3. Deryl Fisher @ 2011-04-15 20:47

    I’ve always figured the best tramslation would be “From the get-go God created the Heaven and the Earth.” All others seem to be archaic to me.
    Dingo El Gringo

  4. Brian, you do realize that this site is satire, right!?

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